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L dV 

MA 

SHE  ACTING  SIGHT  OF  TKi:  PIECE  BELONGS  I(f 
SAMUEL  FKENCH. 


London 


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r 


A 


PHOTOGEAPHIC  FIX: 

Jilt  friginal  Jfsra, 

IN  ONE  ACT. 


BT 

FREDERIC  HAY, 

AUTHOR  OF  “ CAUGHT  BT  THE  CUFF,” 
ETC.,  ETC.,  ETC. 


THOMAS  HAILES  LA.CY, 
THEATRICAL  PUBLISHER, 
LONDON 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


Fivd  FerfoYY)%ed  at  the  Royal  Victoria  Theatre,  on  Saturday, 
November  4,  under  the  management  of  Messrs.  Fenton  and 
Frampton. 


(iTfiatacteru, 


MICHAEL  ANGELO  CHEOME  . 
EBENEZEE  STAGGEES 
BOB  CEOPP  . . . . 

MISS  DIANA  DUFF  . 

MISS  CAEOLINE  CEOPP. 


Me.  Geobge  Yaknold 
Mb.  J.  Howabd 
Mb.  J.  C.  Levey 
Miss  Heathcote 
Miss  Ellen  Powell 


MICHAEL  ANGELO. — Long  dressing-gown,  smoking 
cap,  light  trousers.  Second  dress : Old  grey  coat,  white 
hat. 

EBENEZEE  STAGGEES. — Black  coat,  dark  waistcoat 
and  trousers,  black  hat. 

BOB  CEOPP. — Coarse  brown  suit,  wide-awake  hat. 

DIANA  DUFF. — Spotted  muslin,  dark  shawl,  bonnet. 

CAEOLINE  CEOPP. — Blue  muslin,  grey  shawl,  light 
bonnet. 


(Mr.  Lacy's  Second  List.) 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 

^ Scene  represents  a Photographer's  Boom — camera  on  a tripod 
- — small  table — bottle  of  water  and  glasses  on  table — door 

< centre — small  cupboa/rd  with  practicable  door  L. — small 
■;  cupboard  with  practicable  door  R. 

f.  M.  Angelo,  [discovered  turnimg  over  leaves  of  a pocJcet- 
I hook.)  Let  me  read  her  note  once  more,  [takes  out  paper.) 

Brief  but  bitter,  [reads)  Beer  one  shilling  and  sixpence. 
4 i Agonizing  reminder  of  a neighbouring  tap — go  in.  [puts  H 
away  and  turns  over  leaves  again — reads.)  Summons  from 
Buggin's  for  assault — washing  two  shirts  and  one  stocking, 
l'  fourpence  ; by  the  way  an  extravagance  I must’nt  permit 
myself  again,  [turning  over  papers.)  Another  summons 
I from  Buggin’s  for  another  assault.  Ah!  here  it  is — un- 
i|  grammatical  but  fatal  epistle — come  out.  [takes  out  note.} 
j It’s  folded  in  six,  and  sealed  with  a nutmeg-grater,  [opens 
1 ‘ it — reads.)  Sir,  we  parts  for  ever  and  ever.  When  next  we 
\ I meets,  if  ever,  Diana  DufE’s  name  will  be  Winkles.  Will 
’ it  P G-ratifying  for  Winkles — confound  Winkles.  I’ll  pick 
■ "^^inkles  out  next  time  I see  him.  Euphonious  but  crusta- 
^ ^ceous  cognomen,  go  in.  [puts  note  back — shuts  book.) 
Circumstances  of  a pecuniary  nature  have  since  induced 
^me  to  become  engaged  to  Miss  Caroline  Cropp,  in  fact  I 
^borrowed  five  pounds  of  her — in  fact  the  photography  has 
|\vnot  been  flourishing,  and  Bob,  her  brother,  he’s  threatened 
■|  to  kick  me,  and  I’ve  a moral  conviction  he’d  do  it  too,  if 
^ I didn’t  marry  his  sister — said  he  wasn’t  going  to  have  her 
- feelings  trifled  with — might  as  well  talk  about  the  feelings 
i *^of  a fungus.  However,  they’ve  arranged  it  all,  and  I’m 
going  to  marry  her,  it  don’t  make  any  difference  now 
^ Diana  is  somebody  else.  Ah,  I loved  her,  and  no  mistake. 
iP  [knock  at  door.)  Ah,  here  comes  Caroline,  she  comes  every 
''  morning  to  gloat  over  her  victim. 

' ^ Enter  Diana  c.  d.,  she  has  her  veil  down. 

No  it  ain’t. 

I t-  Diana.  Are  you  the  young  man  that  takes  the  pictures  ? 

^ M.  Angelo.  I’m  the  artist.  Studied  with  Stanfield,  well 
I V k nown  in  the  Gallery.  Plain  or  coloured  P 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


Diana.  A sixpenny  one,  please — won’t  fade,  will  it  ? 

M.  Angelo.  Certainly  not,  couldn’t  if  it  tried.  I’ll 
explain  the  principle  to  you.  The  colodion  amalgamates. 

Diana,  {stojppmg  him.)  Never  mind,  I dare  say  I shouldn’t 
understand  it. 

M.  Angelo.  Very  likely  not.  [aside.)  I’m  sure  I don’t. 
Take  a seat,  prepare  you  a plate  in  a minute,  {he  goes  to 
cn/phoard  R.,  opens  door.)  I believe  the  atmosphere  of  this 
den  is  making  fatal  ravages  on  my  constitution,  I can’t 
stand  it  more  than  a minute  at  a time,  [goes  i/n  and  closes 
door.) 

Diana.  There’s  something  about  that  young  man  puts 
me  in  mind  of  Jeremiah — it  can’t  be  him — no.  I shall 
never  live  to  see  him  any  more.  Oh,  what  agony  I’ve 
suffered  since  I sent  him  that  wicked  lying  letter,  saying  I 
was  going  to  marry  Bob  Winkles,  but  my  rebellious  heart 
is  broken,  [sits  on  edge  of  chair. 

M.  Angelo,  [coming  out  suddenly.)  Right  in  the  middle, 
more  to  the  left,  my  dear — take  off  your  bonnet.  Whew  it’s 
poisonous. 

Diana,  [alarmed.)  What!  my  bonnet  ? 

M.  Angelo.  No,  that  awful  cell,  [poimts  to  cuphoa/rd.) 

(Diana  removes  her  bonnet  and  veil.) 

^Diai^^^ Jeremiah  ! } '^'^sh  into  each  other^s  arms.) 

M.  Angelo,  [suddenly  putting  her  away .)  Get  out.  What 
am  I about,  you’re  Winkles’s  wife. 

Diana.  I aint’t,  indeed. 

M.  Angelo.  I know  you  are,  I ought  to  know.  Want  to 
get  me  indicted  for  bigamy,  do  you?  Get  away. 

Diana.  I implore  you  to  listen  to  me.  That  note  I sent 
you  was  un — 

M.  Angelo.  Unpaid.  Yes. 

Diana.  No — untrue — false.  I was  jealous  of  your  atten- 
tions to  Maria.  I sent  it  out  of  spite — forgive  me.  [sobs.) 
I’ve  been  punished  enough,  [seizes  his  hand.) 

M.  Angelo,  [pathetically.)  I feel  that  I’m  going  to  make 
a fool  of  myself.  I say,  don’t  go  on  that  way.  Blow  me 
if  there  isn’t  some  acid  in  my  eye.  [takes  out  handkerchief.) 

Diana.  After  I’d  posted  it,  I was  too  proud,  too  wicked 
to  go  and  ask  your  forgiveness,  but  I hoped  you,  who  was 
always  so  good  and  kind — 

M.  Angelo.  No  I wasn’t,  I won’t  have  it.  I never  was 
good,  [aside.)  And  I told  her  they  wouldn’t  fade.^  Now 
there’s  some  acid  in  the  other  eye,  d — d if  I don’t  think 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


5 


I’m  eni veiling.  (Diana  seizes  both  his  hands.)  Leave  go, 
can’t  you. 

Diana.  No,  never  till  I obtain  your  pardon.  Two  days 
after  I posted  that  fatal  letter,  I called  at  your  lodgings, 
and  when  they  told  me  you’d  gone  away  I fainted.  For 
three  weeks  I lingered  between  life  and  death,  I wanted  to 
die.  Oh  Jeremiah  forgive  me,  I deceived  you ; I deserve 
it  all. 

M.  Angelo.  No,  you  don’t,  I deserve  half  of  it.  I was  a 
consummate  fool  to  believe  the  letter,  of  course  nobody 
would  marry  a man  called  Winkles.  I’ll  never  leave  you 
again — never — never — never,  {hissing  her.)  I’m  a — 

Enter  Caroline  Cropp,  c.  door. 

Caroline.  Eeptile  ! this  is  too  much  for  a sensitive  heart. 
{sinhs  into  a chair.) 

M.  Angelo,  [shahing  Diana  off.)  Let  go,  can’t  you.  You 
ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourself  young  woman  (aside.) 
I’m  in  for  it.  (to  Caroline.)  I say  it’s  a joke — its  an  infer- 
nal joke — never  saw  her  before,  (signalizes  to  Diana.) 

Diana.  Why,  my  dearest  Jeremiah — 

M.  Angelo.  I ain’t,  I object  to  it,  I ain’t  anybody’s 
Jeremiah,  (aside.)  I wish  she  wouldn’t  be  so  confounded 
familiar,  (to  Caroline.)  I say  Caroline,  (ajpjgroaches  her, 
aside.)  I know  this  will  end  in  a blow  up. 

Caroline,  (rising.)  Avaunt!  you’re  a hadder,  and  as  for 
joviMiss,  jovi  re  2^  hadder  ess.  Oh!  Angelo,  (sobs.)  Say, 
is  this  an  optical  infusion  ? 

M.  Angelo.  Of  course  it  is. 

Caroline.  Am  I wandering  and  deleterious  ? 

M.  Angelo.  You  are,  and  no  mistake. 

Caroline,  (pointing  to  Diana.)  Is  this  a camera  of  the 
brain  ? 

M.  Angelo.  Yes.  ('points  to  camera.)  Two  of  ’em. 

Diana.  Jeremiah  dearest. 

M.  Angelo.  There  she  goes  again,  (aside  to  Diana.)  Call 
me  a beast,  there’s  a dear,  you’ll  be  the  death  of  me. 

Caroline,  (going  to  camera.)  No  sir,  it’s  real — (goes  to 
table  and  upsets  tumbler  of  'water,  'which  she  throws  down  and 
then  breahs.)  this  is  real — (throws  down  a plate.)  and  that’s 
real — it’s  all  real — (putting  her  hand  to  her  heart.)  but  this  is 
broken. 

M.  Angelo,  (who  is  endeavouring  to  join  the  brohen  pieces 
of  plate  together.)  I can  have  it  mended  for  tuppence. 

Caroline.  My  peace  of  mind  destroyed. 

M.  Angelo.  (stUl  contemplating  plate.)  Eegularly  smashed. 


6 


A PHOTOQBAPHIC  FIX. 


Caroline.  And  my  feelings — 

M.  Angelo,  {loohing  at  wet  on  table.)  Upset  all  over  the 
table. 

Caroline,  {ajojoroachi/ng  him.)  Monster  ! this  is  no  infu- 
sion. [pointing  to  Diana.)  I see  the  naked  truth  before  my 
eyes.  I despise  you,  and  as  for  you  Miss,  I leave  you  with 
the  partner  of  your  crime  till  my  brother’s  distribution 
falls  upon  his  head,  [to  M.  Angelo.)  Wretch  ! I shake  you 
off,  [shakes  him.)  but  remember  Bob.  My  brother  Bob 
lives  to  avenge  me.  Remember  ! [stalks  out  tragically,  c. 
door,  looking  hack.)  Remember  1 

Diana.  I thought  you  would  never  love  another  ? 

M.  Angelo.  I don’t  love  her,  I never  did,  I hate  her. 

Diana.  I feel  faint. 

M.  Angelo.  Don’t,  there’s  a good  girl,  postpone  it  till 
you  can  do  it  properly,  there’s  no  time  now,  these 
premises  ain’t  safe.  Come  back  in  an  hour,  I’ll  explain  it 
all.  I think  I hear  somebody  coming — it’s  Bob. 

Diana.  After  all  I’ve  suffered — is  this  the  fruit  ? 

M.  Angelo.  No,  it’s  the  Cropp,  don’t  detain  me.  I 
wouldn’t  be  responsible  for  the  consequences  if  Bob  catches 
me. 

Diana.  Who’s  Bob  P 

M.  Angelo.  He’s  a tanner. 

Diana.  Hide  yourself. 

M.  Angelo.  He’ll  reserve  that  right  for  himself,  don’t 
go  alluding  to  it  in  that  facetious  manner,  I want  to  look 
up  the  establishment ; go  away,  there’s  a dear,  come  back 
in  an  hour,  [kissing  her  ) Yours  till  death,  or  till  Bob 
comes,  which  I take  to  be  about  the  same  sort  of  thing — 
good  bye.  [ExU  Diana,  c.  door. 

M.  Angelo.  I’ve  decided  on  vacating  this  barn  before 
the  Cropp’s  come  in,  because  I’ve  a presentiment  he’ll  be- 
gin thrashing  at  once.  These  premises  are  positively 
becoming  dangerous,  it’s  been  a chamber  of  horrors  to  me 
ever  since  I’ve  taken  photographs  at  sixpence  a head.  I’ve 
made  up  my  mind  to  reduce  the  standard.  I wouldn’t 
photograph  any  healthy-looking  man  over  five  foot  four 
unless  he  were  paralysed  for  anything  less  than  a heavy 
pecuniary  consideration.  I was  summoned  twice  last  week 
and  had  my  head  punched  because  the  photograph’s  faded  ; 
just  as  if  I can  help  it,  and  now  here’s  a lively  prospect  of 
being  maimed  for  life  if  Bob  catches  me.  Holloa  ! I hear 
somebody  coming — the  Philistines  are  upon  me — to  arms. 
[takes  hat.)  Where’s  my  umbrella,  [takes  up  umbrella.)  Now 
then,  ['places  umbrella  at  his  side  like  a bayonet.)  Charge  ! 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


i 

[rushing  off  he  runs  against  Staggers,  who  is  just  entering 
the  door.) 

Staggers.  Confound  it!  you  needn’t  charge  so  high. 
[rubbing  his  breast.)  You’ve  knocked  the  wind  out  of  me. 
[seizes  him.) 

M.  Angelo.  Here,  let  go — blow  your  wind — I’m  in  a 
hurry. 

Staggers,  [dragging  him  bach.)  So  am  I. 

M.  Angelo.  Well,  Gall  again  next  week,  [aside.)  I’m  in 
for  it  again,  the  same  old  song  of  fading  away,  I suppose. 

Staggers,  ['pointing  to  chair.)  Sit  down. 

M.  Angelo.  I’d  rather  not. 

Staggers.  I insist  on  it!  [tahes  chair.) 

M.  Angelo.  Oh  ! if  you’re  going  to  get  nasty  over  it,  I 
don’t  mind,  to  oblige  you.  [sits  down.) 

Staggers,  [feeling  in  his  jpocket.)  How  then  sir,  don’t  you 
think — 

M.  Angelo.  Certainly,  I’m  quite  of  your  opinion. 
[rising.)  There’s  a gentleman  anxious  to  see  me  profession- 
ally— good  bye. 

Staggers,  [detaining  him.)  He  can  wait. 

M.  Angelo.  I can’t  though  ; besides,  you  mustn’t  keep 
Landseer  waiting — Sir  Edward  won’t  like  it. 

Staggers,  [producing  photographic  cards,  and  showing 
them  to  Angelo.)  How  sir,  perhaps  you’ll  have  the  goodness 
to  inform  me  what  you  call  these  ? 

M.  Angelo,  [inspecting  them  and.  looking  round  anxiously, 
aside.)  That  savage  will  be  here  directly.  Gall  those  ? Well, 
to  let  you  into  a professional  secret,  they’re  cards,  and 
I’m  prepared  to  stand  by  the  consequence  of  the  asser- 
tion. 

Staggers.  I know  they’re  cards,  but  what’s  on  ’em. 
[holds  them  close  to  M.  Angelo.) 

M.  Angelo.  The  Academy  won’t  like  my  letting  you  into 
the  mysteries. 

Staggers,  [angrily.)  What’s  on  them 

M.  Angelo.  Your  fingers  ; now  don’t  you  tell  anybody. 

Staggers.  This  equivocation  is  useless,  sir.  What  was 
on  them  yesterday  ? 

M.  Angelo.  My  fingers  ! don’t  you  go  asking  me  any 
more  professional  questions,  you’ll  get  me  into  trouble,  you 
will,  [rises.) 

Staggers,  [rising.)  This  subterfuge  won’t  save  you. 
Yesterday  I paid  you  six  shillings  for  those  cards,  and 
they  had  my  portrait  on  them,  warranted  not  to  fade. 
Oblige  me  by  scrutinizing  them,  and  then  inform  me  if 


8 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


they  haven’t  faded,  {gives  him  the  cards,  which  are  jperfectly 
hlanh.) 

M.  Angelo,  {inspecting  them.)  They  haven’t  faded,  cer- 
tainly not.  {loohing  at  them  closely.)  I can’t  see  a vestige  of 
anything,  they  haven’t  faded,  they’ve  vanished.  I never 
said  they  wouldn’t  vanish.  I’m  undergoing  the  process 
myself,  {attempts  to  go.) 

Staggers,  {stopping^  him.)  Hot  if  I know  it,  till  you’ve 
refunded  my  six  shillings. 

M.  Angelo.  Why  didn’t  you  say  so  at  once,  {feeling  i/n 
pochet,  tahes  out  a shilling.)  There’s  one.  {looking  anxiously 
round.)  Bobby  Jingo  ! I think  I hear  him.  {to  Staggers.)  I 
say,  take  a cheque  on  Coutts’  for  the  balance,  or  stop,  you 
haven’t  got  change  for  a five  pound  note,  have  you? 

Staggers.  Yes  ! 

M.  Angelo.  That’s  awkward. 

Staggers.  On  the  contrary,  I think  its  rather  refreshing. 

M.  Angelo.  Oblige  me  by  allowing  me  to  know  best.  I 
say  it  is  awkward. 

Staggers.  To  have  change  ? 

M.  Angelo.  Ho,  not  to  have  the  note,  {aside.)  This  is 
very  embarassing.  {reflecting.) 

Staggers.  I want — 

M.  Angelo,  {stopping  him.)  Don’t  interrupt  me.  You 
very  nearly  robbed  the  world  of — 

Staggers.  Six  shillings  ! 

M.  Angelo.  Ho!  of  an  idea,  {aside.)  What  a mercenary 
old  blackguard.  I have  it ! There’s  a gentleman  owes 
me  several  pounds,  {aside.)  I shall  get  them  too  if  Bob 
comes  ; perhaps  you  wouldn’t  mind  receiving  them,  or  if 
that  proposition  don’t  suit,  I’m  prepared  to  make  an  alarm- 
ing sacrifice.  I’ll  take  your  photograph  by  a new  process, 
and  colour  them  for  nothing.  I’ll  be  back  in  ten  minutes  ; 
in  the  meantime  you  can  amuse  yourself  with  the  camera. 
I dare  say  you’ll  find  it  a source  of  pleasing  excitement. 
{looking  ohout  anxiously,  aside.)  He  can’t  be  long  now.  I 
say  you  mustn’t  detain  me  any  longer,  back  in  ten  minutes, 
au  revoir.  {is  about  to  go.) 

Staggers.  Are  you  deceiving  me  ? 

M.  Angelo.  You  may  depend  on  me — good  bye.  {Exit  c. 

Staggers.  How  I’m  alone  again;  solitude  is  always 
suggestive  of  strychnine  and  despair  since  I’ve  lost  Caro- 
line— I’ve  dissipated  a small  fortune  in  advertising  for  her. 
{takes  out  neivspa'per.)  Here  it  is  as  plain  as  fourpence  a 
line  can  make  it.  {reads.)  “ Anybody  giving  information 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


9 


respecting  Caroline  Cropp,  shall  be  handsomely  rewarded, 
by  applying  to  Ebenezer  Staggers,  Muggin’s-row,Pimlico.” 
I’ve  been  inundated  with  replies — there  have  been  fifty 
crops  in  the  field,  but  the  real  Caroline  isn’t  to  be  bad  ; 
last  June  I was  attracted  to  Brighton  for  a small  change — 
three  shillings  and  sixpence — I made  Caroline’s  acquaint- 
ance by  the  sad  sea  wave — she’d  accidentally  dropped  this 
handkerchief  [takes  out  handkerchief)  I’ll  waive  it,  not  the 
handkerchief,  no,  the  subject  it’s  too  painful — she  was  at 
that  time  commercially  interested  in  tripe — but  her  heart 
was  above  it — anatomically  speaking  it  would  be — aided  by 
an  aged  parent  she  disposed  of  that  nourishing  diet  to  the 
public — her  only  brother  was  absent  in  America.  The 
poetical  situation  of  the  entire  family  was  too  affecting  for 
my  sensitive  nature — I loved  her — proposed — was  accepted, 
and  composed  an  Ode  to  Tripe  as  a delicate  attention  to 
Caroline.  Alas  ! that  wasn’t  all  I owed  to  tripe — no  ! one 
fatal  night,  t’was  a Friday,  I’d  partaken  of  that  article  in 
defiance  of  the  popular  ditty — scorning  superstition,  I was 
sauntering  home  listening  to  the  “ murmur  of  the  tide,” 
when  two  myrmidons  of  the  law  flew  at  me,  seized  me, 
bound  me  tight — yes,  they  were  tight — they  wouldn’t  let 
go,  appeal  was  of  no  avail — they  wouldn’t  hear  me,  they 
refused  even  to  listen  to  the  murmer  of  the  tied,  although 
I’ve  every  reason  to  believe  I rose  into  eloquence  more 
than  once — with  an  incorrectness  that  became  irritating  I 
was  informed  at  intervals  as  they  dragged  my  body  along 
the  sand  that  they  ''knowed  I was  the  cove,”  when  I 
knowed  I wasn’t.  It  appears  that  another  blackguard 
called  Staggers  had  committed  a forgery  and  fled  to 
Brighton.  My  name  was  Staggers,  Brighton  my  residence, 
so  the  law,  with  its  usual  discrimination,  took  me  for  the 
other  man — the  inexorable  law  demanded  a Staggers — I 
was  flung  into  a dungeon,  but  the  law  had  a Staggers — 
after  three  weeks  detention  my  case  came  on — ^I  came  off, 
honourably  acquitted — the  real  Staggers  was  captured — 
released,  I flew  to  Brighton — Caroline’s  residence  was 
shut  up — so  was  I.  A notice  informed  the  public  the 
business  was  sold — so  was  I.  Since  that  day  I’ve  been 
wandering  about  a victim  to  circumstances — excitement 
has  become  necessary  to  my  repose — I must  be  up  and 
doing — my  brain  grows  obscure.  Ah  ! here’s  the  obscura 
(arranges  the  camera,  puts  cloth  over  his  head  and  appears  as 
if  endeavouring  to  focus  something)  Yes,  I’m  an  altered 
man,  grief  has  left  ibs  awful  mark  on — 


10 


A PHOTOGEAPHIC  FIX. 


Enter  Bob  Cropp  c.,  who  immediately  gives  him  a whach  over 
the  hack  with  a stick. 

My  back  ! oh  Lord  ! 

Bob  seizes  him  hy  the  hack  of  the  neck,  runs  him  round  the 
stage. 

Bob.  Marry  her,  won’t  youP  Snakes,  I’ll  riddle  you 
(stops  at  footlights,  then  runs  him  round  again). 

Staggers.  Now  we’re  off  again. 

Bob  (stopping)  Now  what  have  you  got  to  say  ? 

Staggers,  (revolving)  Nothing  till  I have  done  revolving. 
I shall  come  round  directly,  and  then  I mean  to  give  you 
in  charge  of  the  tallest  policeman  I can  find. 

Bob.  Oh,  snakes  ! here’s  a mistake  ! Took  you  for  the 
other  man. 

Staggers.  Well,  don’t  do  it  again.  I’m  always  being 
taken  for  the  other  man.  You’ve  turned  every  drop  of 
blood  in  me  twice ; how  would  you  like  it  ? 

Bob.  I’m  excited.  You’d  be  excited  too  if  you’d  gone 
through  what  I have.  I didn’t  hurt  you,  did  I P 

Staggers.  Didn’t  you  though  ? I ought  to  know  (rubs 
hack). 

Bob.  Serves  you  jolly  well  right ! What  business  had 
you  looking  through  that  machine.  Took  you  for  Michael 
Angelo. 

Staggers.  I’m  clawed  ! Look  here  (points  to  coat  colla/r) 
and  spun  round  like  a dancing  dervish,  (aside)  He  must 
be  a pupil  of  Turner’s.  My  head’s  swimming  now. 

Bob.  (looking  about  room)  Where  is  he.  I’ll  pound  him 
into  smash  if  I catch  him — that’s  the  second  blackguard 
that’s  jilted  my  sister — the  other  was  a convict — I’d  like  to 
get  the  pair  of  ’em — snakes,  I would,  I’d  throttle  ’em.  (to 
Staggers)  What  are  you  doing  here,  located  perhaps  ? 

Staggers.  Certainly  not,  I’m  waiting  for  that  rascab 
Michael  Angelo. 

Bob.  What’s  he  done  for  youP 

Staggers.  Nothing,  and  charged  me  six  shillings  for  it. 

■ Bob.  What  are  you  going  to  do  for  him  P 

Staggers.  Punch  his  head,  and  charge  him  six  shillings 
for  it. 

Bob.  Mean  it  P 

Staggers.  I do. 

Bob.  Grive  us  your  flipper.  I’ll  help  you.  Shouldn’t 
wonder  if  he  ain’t  stowed  somewhere — located  to  the  garret. 
You  stay  here,  I’ll  track  him  down  like  a beaver. 

(Exit  centre. 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


11 


Staggers.  Capital ! its  getting  quite  exciting — in  fact 
its  a trifle  too  exciting.  I'm  not  quite  sure  that  he  hasn’t 
dislocated  my  collar-bone — never  mind,  can’t  take  me  for 
Michael  Angelo  again,  so  here  goes,  [goes  to  camera  en- 
deavourmg  to  fix  it.)  Seems  on  its  last  legs,  [pulls  out  legs) 
or  else  its  suffering  from  constitutional  weakness.  Con- 
found it,  I can’t  arrange  this  tripod.  Ah  ! tri/pe — odd,  the 
mention  of  that  name  should  remind  me  of  Caroline. 
[arranges  cloth  over  his  head  as  before,  and  looiks  through 
camera.)  I almost  fancy  I see  her  before  me — she  looks 
like  an — 

Enter  Caroline,  c.  who  immediately  seizes  him  and  drags  him 
bach,  the  cloth  being  still  over  his  head. 

Caroline.  Alligator  ! my  brother  hasn’t  killed  you  yet. 

Staggers,  [under  cloth.)  There’s  that  revolving  ruffian 
other  man.  [emergimg  from  cloth.) 
What,  Caroline  ! 1 [he  attempts  to  embrace  her.) 

Ebenezer  ! ! ! [waves  him  off.)  Away,  the  mark 
or  Gam  is  on  you. 

Staggers.  I shouldn’t  wonder,  [turmng  her  his  bach.)  It 
isn  t swollen,  is  it  ? 

CHOLINE.  Oh  Ebenezer  ! you’ve  broke  my  heart- — you 
winded  yourself  round  my  young  affiictions  like  a boa-con- 
structor  round  the  neck  of  a panther — I’m  breathless. 

Staggers.  I say,  don’t  go  on  that  way. 

CHOLINE.  I shall ! never  can  I forget  that  fatal  Friday 
^ scarcely  left  me  when  a customer  comes  in — 

^ T?  ^ captured  him”  says  he — “ Making  so  bold,”  who 
says  I ? Ebenezer  Staggers  the  forger  says  he — I was  ser- 
ving him  with  tripe,  and  it  quite  turned  . 

Staggers.  The  tripe  ? 

Caroline.  E^o,  turned  my  blood — I dropped — 

Staggers.  The  knife  ? 

Caroline.  No,  the  subject  till  he  was  gone — then  I went 
out  and  found  it  was  true. 

Staggers.  It’s  a lie. 

Caroline.  Ebenezer,  you’re  a convict,  and  Caroline 
weeps  for  you  like  a crockydile  sobbin  for  its  offspring. 

Staggers.  There  she  goes  again  with  her  Zoological 
^mparisons  leave  off.  I tell  you  I ain’t,  I was  torn  away 
rrom  you  and  hurled  into  a dungeon,  mistaken  for  another 
1 ^®cd  to  it — I rather  like  it.  There’s  an 

awlml  blackguard  just  gone  out,  who,  after  dislocating  my 
collar-bone  and  describing  sundry  circles  with  me,  coolly 


u.  OF  ILL  LIB^ 


12 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


informed  me  he’d  taken  me  for  the  other  man — and  I*m 
grateful  for  it. 

Caroline.  That  was  my  brother. 

Staggers.  That  revolving  ruffian — ah,  nice  gentlemanly 
young  man — excitable  disposition  though. 

Caroline.  Do  you  know  him  ? 

Staggers.  Yes  ; I was  very  much  struck  by  him — [aside) 
— principally  about  the  back.  Oh,  Caroline,  what  IVe 
sufEered  on  your  account. 

Caroline.  And  what  IVe  suffered  on  yours. 

Staggers.  Yes  ; what  we’ve  both  suffered  on  each  other’s 
account — three  weeks  I fed  on  the  damp  vapours  of  a 
dungeon — it  was  an  “ awful  cell,”  but  I was  honourably 
acquitted,  I’ll  show  you  the  documents.  I say  that 
revolving  blackguard — I mean  that  excitable  young  man 
said  somebody  wouldn’t  marry  his  sister,  he  didn’t  mean 
you — say  he  didn’t. 

Caroline.  But  he  did  ! I am — that  is,  I was  engaged  to 
Michael  Angelo. 

Staggers.  Blow  Michael  Angelo  ! he  shan’t  have  yon — 
he  owes  me  six  shillings — I was  honourably  acquitted — 
I’m  engaged  to  you — besides  I’ve  come  into  property — I’ve 
got  a thousand  pounds. 

Caroline.  This  is  too  much  for  a sensitive  heart — I’m 
overcome,  [sinks  into  Stagger’s  arms — Staggers  embraces 
her. 

Enter  Bob  Cropp,  seeing  Staggers,  seizes  cmd  drags  him 
away. 

Bob.  What,  at  it  again  you  villain — come  out  of  that— 
what  before  my  very  eyes — possums,  [flourishimg  his  stick.) 
I’ll  get  some  music  out  of  you. 

Staggers.  I shouldn’t  wonder — I’m  collared  and  collared 
and  I’ve  been  recently  hammered.  I believe  this  camera 
T1  be  the  death  of  me.  I wonder  whether  this  is  what 
Michael  Angelo  calls  pleasing  excitement — ’cause  if  it  is 
I’ve  had  enough. 

Caroline.  Oh ! Bob,  don’t,  it’s  Ebenezer. 

Bob.  What  Ebenezer  ? 

Caroline.  My  Ebenezer  ! Ebenezer  Staggers  ! 

Bob.  The  convict?  come  on.  [squares  at  him.)  I thought 
you  were  no  great  shakes. 

Staggers.  And  I’d  conceived  such  a contrary  opinion  of 
you — specially  after  you  dislocated  my  neck. 

Bob.  Come  on. 

Staggers,  [takes  chai/r  and  places  before  Mm — aside.)  Now 
he’s  going  to  begin  again — leave  off ! 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


13 


Caroline.  Spare  him,  there’s  been  a mistake. 

Bob.  There’s  always  a mistake  somewhere — come  on 
young  Botany  Bay.  (follows  him  round  Stage.) 

Staggers.  I really  believe  he  likes  it.  Murder  ! Police  ! 
Hold  him  down. 

Caroline,  (stopping  Bob.)  Spare  him — he’s  innocent — 
its  another  Staggers.  What  he  have  sufEered. 

Bob.  The  other  Staggers. 

Caroline.  Ho  ; this  one. 

Bob.  Then  come  on.  (Caroline  still  holds  him.) 

Staggers.  That’s  right  Caroline — hold  him  down — 
there’s  been  a mistake — an  infernal  mistake — I ought  to 
know — I ain’t  myself  at  all,  and  the  other  Staggers  or 
somebody  else.  I’ll  explain  it  directly — I’m  staggered  for 
the  minute — I was  honourably  acquitted — show  you  the 
papers,  (approaching  him.)  I say  I didn’t  mind  your  dis- 
locating my  neck — upon  my  life  I didn’t — I ought  to  know, 
I forgive  you — shake  hands.  How  d’ye  do?  I’m  going 
to  marry  her — it’s  awful  jolly — shake  hands  again — quite 
well?  I’ve  come  into  property — I’ve  got  a thousand 
pounds — it’s  all  right,  (he  takes  Caroline  aside.) 

Bob.  a thousand  pounds,  it  must  be  all  right.  I’m 
bound  to  take  something  out  of  Michael  Angelo  at  any 
rate. 

Caroline.  I despise  the  artist. 

Staggers.  So  do  I,  we  all  do — turn  him  out. 

Bob.  Where  is  he  ? Did  you  say  he  charged  you  ? 

Staggers.  Yes,  with  his  umbrella — injured  the  ribs. 

Bob.  Of  his  umbrella  ? 

Staggers.  Ho,  mine.  I say,  let’s  take  it  out  of  his 
camera.  I’ll  photograph  you— I know  all  about  it,  saw 
him  do  it  yesterday. 

Bob.  All  right— now  then  fire  up.  (sits  down.)  I’m 
squatted,  (aside.)  He’s  got  a thousand  pounds.  Caroline 
you  go  and  tell  mother  to  get  supper.  I’ll  bring  the  convict 
—I  mean  Mr.  Staggers— better  take  a cab.  (to  Staggers  ) 
Young  manacles— haven’t  got  five  shillings  about  you  have 
you  ? ’ 

Staggers.  Course  I have — glad  you  asked  me — don’t  I 
belong  to  the  family  ? 

Bob.  You  do,  and  a highly  useful  member  you’ll 
become,  (takes  money.)  Here  you  are,  Caroline,  (gives 
her  money,) 

Caroline.  Cood  bye,  Ebenezer. 

Staggers.  My  angel,  good  bye.  (Exit  Caroline,  c. 
Don’t  I feel  jolly  now  I’ve  found  her  ; I’m  lighter  than  a 

B 


14 


A PHOTOGEAPHIC  FIX. 


cork — I shall  have  to  he  wired  down  directly.  Get  np. 
{imlls  Boh  out  of  chair.)  I don’t  know  what  I’m  about,  sit 
down  ; {forces  him  into  chair)  this  excitement  has  upset 
me.  {get  up.)  I forgot  we  want  the  plates  and  chemicals ; 
he  keeps  them  in  here,  {pointing  to  cupboards.)  You  go 
in  there,  {points  to  cupboard  e.)  that’s  where  he  keeps  the 
plates. 

Bob.  {going  to  cupboard  r,  loohs  in.)  Keeps  the  plates 
here,  does  he ; dirty  beast,  wonder  where  he  keeps  the 
knives  and  forks. 

Staggers.  Go  in!  (puts  him  in.)  Shut  the  door,  light’s 
fatal. 

Bob.  So’s  darkness,  I think  ; phew  ! don’t  it  stink ; {goes 
vn — loohing  out)  none  of  your  larks,  now.  {shuts  door.) 

Staggers,  {going  to  cupboard  l. — opens  door.)  Whew  ! 
it’s  enough  to  kill  a fellow ; never  mind,  it’s  only  for  a 
minute,  {enters  and  shuts  door  after  him.) 

M.  Angelo,  {who  enters  cautiously.)  All  quiet,  they  were 
tired  of  waiting,  I suppose  ; {looking  round)  no  indications 
of  violence.  There’s  no  time  to  be  lost,  I’ve  decided  on 
quitting  these  quarters  for  a month,  and  taking  a better 
half  for  life — Diana  and  Dover — sea  bathing,  shrimps  and 
winkles ; no,  hang  winkles,  I’ve  had  enough  of  him.  As 
I’m  not  aware  of  the  existence  of  any  Act  of  Parliament 
to  prevent  a gentleman  securing  his  property,  here  goes. 
{goes  to  cupboard  L.  and  locks  it,  putting  keg  in  his  pocket.) 
I don’t  pretend  to  any  refinement  of  feeling,  but  I’m 
blowed  if  I’d  put  a fellow  in  that  den  ; {crosses  to  R.  and 
locks  cupboard  pocketing  the  key)  and  as  for  this,  it’s  the 
most  “ awful  cell,”  out.  Kow  I’ve  made  everybody  and 
everything  snug  and  comfortable.  Hurrah  1 for  Diana  and 
Dover.  Tra-la-la.  {dances  off,  c.) 

Staggers,  {knocking  at  door.)  It’s  all  ready,  open  the 
door. 

Bob.  Let  me  out,  Snakes  ! I’ll  smash  up  everything  ! 

Staggers.  Do,  there’s  a good  fellow — I’m  choking — it’s 
poisonous. 

Bob.  Water  ! murder ! {crash  heard.)  All  the  chemicals 
down,  it’s  all  up.  I’m  on  fire  ! I shall  burst. 

Staggers.  Open  the  door,  do ! this  is  manslaughter. 
Good  bye,  Caroline  ! — {noise  heard) — the  expiring  words  of 

Stagger’s  are 

Enter  Michael  Angelo,  c. 

M.  Angelo.  In  the  excitement  of  the  moment,  I quite 
forgot  Diana  was  coming  here  ; she  can’t  be  long  now. 


A PHOTOGBAPHIC  FIX. 


5 


[takes  a chair.)  A moment  of  calm  reflection  and  a 
mouthful  of  something  to  eat,  wouldn’t  be  amiss,  [takes 
from  his  pocket  a penny  roll  and  a sausage)  as  the  only 
nourishing  article  of  consumption  I’ve  tasted  to-day,  is 

a [noise  in  cupboard,  L.)  Cat  by  jingo — that’s  the  third 

floor’s — it’s  my  belief  they  neglect  that  animal,  poor  devil, 

I locked  him  in,  I suppose,  [goes  to  cupboard  calling  out.) 
Pish  ! get  out  of  that. 

Staggers.  I can’t — good  bye — farewell. 

M.  Angelo.  Burglars  ! by  the  Lord  Harry,  [calling  to 
Staggers.)  You’re  in  for  it — serves  you  right  for  prigging, 
[calling  through  keyhole)  it’s  a lifer — Horsemonger-lane  jail. 
He  must  be  hard  up  for  oxygen,  blowed  if  he  isn’t  break- 
ing through  the  keyhole ; he’s  on  the  gui  vive.  [goes  to 
table  a7id  gets  tumbler  of  water  which  he  throws  through 
keyhole.)  G-et  out  of  that  you  luxurious  blackguard, 
[listening)  I think  he’s  expiring  ; I hear  him  blowing  and 
gasping — he’s  near  his  last  kick — can’t  hurt  if  I do  let  him 
out.  [opens  door,  Staggers  comes  out,  face  somewhat  black, 
he  ap'pears  exhausted  and  sinks  into  nearest  chair.)  He’s 
awful  bad,  [shakes  him)  wake  up  young  Kleptomania. 
Holloa  ! it’s  my  friend  fading  away — I’m  off — devilish 
hard  I can’t  enjoy  a meal  without  being  disturbed,  [pids 
roll  and  sausage  into  his  pocket.) 

Staggers.  A glass  of  water  and  I’ll  forgive  you. 

M.  Angelo,  [aside.)  What  a thirsty  beast,  he’s  had  one. 
tfrmgs  him  glass  of  water.) 

Staggers,  [taking  it.)  I shan’t  survive  it. 

M.  Angelo,  [stopping  him.)  Don’t  drink  it,  then. 

Staggers.  JSTo,  not  this;  that  “Awful  Cell.”  [yoints  to 
cupboard,  appears  exhausted,  closes  his  eyes.) 

M.  Angelo,  [sitting  down,  commences  to  eat  agam.)  Have 
a bit.  [offers  him  sausage,  looking  at  him.)  Hang  me  if  he 
hasn’t  put  the  shutters  up,  wake  up  ; how  do  you  think  a 
gentleman  can  enjoy  the  luxuries  of  life,  if  you  persist  in 
conducting  yourself  in  that  disgraceful  manner,  think 
you’re  at  an  alderman’s  feast,  I suppose — I’m  powerfully 
impressed  with  the  idea  that  there’s  an  undue  proportion 
of  pepper  with  the  meat  in  this  orbicular  diet,  which 
popular  prejudice  has  condemned  as  an  article  of  consump- 
tion, but  when  you  know  the  author  of  ’em  as  I do,  and 

feel  convinced  you’re  eating [noise  heard  in  cupboard 

B.)  Cat,  by  jingo,  [getting  up)  it’s  enough  to  make  a fellow 
feel  sick,  I can’t  get  a morsel  of  food  without  being 
interrupted,  [goes  to  clipboard,  R.,  calls  out.)  Pish  ! get  out 
of  that ! Fancy  you  are  on  the  tiles,  perhaps  ; but  you  ain’t. 


16 


A PHOTOGHAPHIC  FIX. 


Bob.  {from  inside.)  Oh,  Staggers,  I’ll  smash  you,  when  I 
get  out. 

M.  Angelo.  Burglar  this  time,  {calling  to  him.)  You’re 
in  for  it,  its  a lifer — I’m  going  for  assistance.  You’d  better 
make  yourself  comfortable  till  the  van  comes,  {going 
down  to  Staggers,  who  has  somewhat  recovered.)  I say,  I’ve 
got  him ! 

Staggers.  Who? 

M.  Angelo.  Burglar,  you  fool ; you  didn’t  think  it  was 
Cardinal  Wolsey,  did  you  ? 

Staggers.  Where? 

M.  Angelo,  {pointing  to  cuphoard.)  There  ! 

Staggers.  I expect  its  Bob. 

M.  Angelo.  What  Bob  ? 

Staggers.  Bob  Cropp,  my  Caroline’s  brother. 

M.  Angelo,  {aside.)  Bob  Cropp,  his  Caroline’s  brother, 
consequently  Bob  Cropp,  my  Caroline’s  brother. 

Staggers.  Let  him  out. 

M.  Angelo.  Are  you  confident  he’s  well  secured  ? 

Staggers.  Yes ! 

M.  Angelo.  Then  I shall  conclude  my  irregular  meal. 
{sits  down  and  commences  eating.) 

Staggers.  Want  to  murder  the  man  do  you?  give  me 
the  key — he  must  be  nearly  dead — I ought  to  know — I 
was  as  nigh  gone  as  a toucher  myself. 

M.  Angelo,  {giving  him  hey.)  Oh,  if  you  think  he’s 
nearly  expired  you  can  let  him  out — I shan’t. 

Staggers  goes  to  cupboard ^ unlochs  door — Bob  issues  face 
hlacJcened — seizes  Staggers  heats  him  round  stage. 

Bob.  I’ve  got  you,  you  jail  bird — lock  me  in  would  you  ? 

Staggers.  ISTow  he’s  beginning  again.  Let  go,  this  is 
another  egregious  mistake.  It’s  the  other  man  ; I never 
locked  you  in  ! 

Bob.  How  did  I know  that — you’d  no  business  to  let  me 
out  then — serves  you  right — don’t  you  do  it  again. 

Staggers.  Certainly  not. 

Bob.  Didn’t  you  hear  me  singing  out  ? 

Staggers.  No  ; you  never  sung  out. 

Bob.  I didn’t — I howVd  thoiigh.  I’ve  been  doing  nothing 
else  since  I’ve  been  in  there  but  yell  and  yell — look  at  me  ! 
ain’t  I yeller  ! ! the  infernal  bottles  kept  tumbling  out — I’m 
dyed. 

Staggers.  I’m  dead — I’ve  been  in  there  too  (pointing  to 
cupboard,  L. j ; don’t  you  delude  yourself  with  the  idea 
that  I’ve  had  a pleasant  time  of  it  ’cause  I have’nt — look 


A PHOTOGBAPHIC  FIX.  17 

at  me — call  tliis  a respectable  appearance — I say  I never 
locked  you  in. 

Bob.  Why  did’nt  you  say  so  then — got  the  lock  jaw  ? 

Staggers.  No — I got  the  key  to  it. 

Bob.  To  the  lock  jaw  ? 

Staggers.  No  ; to  tie  mystery. 

Bob.  Where  ? 

Staggers,  {'pointing  to  Michael  Angelo)  There ! 

Bob.  {seizing  M.  Angelo,)  Come  here — I did’nt  see  you 
before.  Now  Michael  Angelo,  I’ll  work  you  to  an  oil — no 
use  resisting,  in  you  go.  {collars  hi'm.) 

Staggers.  Of  course  you  do — {seizes  hi'm.) 

M.  Angelo.  I’m  innocent. 

Staggers.  You’d  better  inform  the  public  you’re  retiring 
from  business. 

M.  Angelo.  Mr.  Cropp  don’t — its  quite  a mystery  to  me. 
This  lock  beats  the  human  understanding.  I say,  be  gene- 
rous— don’t  plunge  me  into  despair.  It’s  very  likely  I 
shall  be  the  father  of  a family — you  ought  to  take  that  into 
consideration — I’ll  do  anything — I’ll  marry  Caroline. 

Staggers.  Marry  Caroline — you  brute — only  breathe 
her  name  and  you’re  a corpse  {drags  him  along.) 

M.  Angelo.  Now  this  maniac’s  beginning. 

Bob.  In  you  go — you’ll  have  plenty  of  time  for  reflection 
in  the  dark. 

M.  Angelo.  Don’t  make  light  of  it — I’ll  marry  her. 

Staggers.  No,  you  won’t,  I — 

M.  Angelo.  I’m  engaged  to  her. 

Staggers.  So  am  I. 

M.  Angelo.  Do  you  mean  to  marry  her  ? 

Staggers.  Yes ! 

M.  Angelo.  Then  I’ll  forgive  you.  You  ain’t  joking,  are 
you? 

Staggers.  Forgive  me — I don’t  mean  to  forgive  you; 
I’ve  had  my  neck  dislocated — my  head  punched — my  back 
broken.  I’ve  been  dragged  a horrible  spectacle  round  this 
room,  and  only  just  escaped  suffocation  by  a mere  chancfe. 
All  this  on  your  account,  and  now  you  want  to  marry  my 
wife,  and  then  you’re  anxious  to  forgive  me — I object  to  it 
— want  to  marry  her  ? 

M.  Angelo.  No,  I don’t.  I wouldn’t  marry  her  for — 
{loohs  at  Boh.) 

Bob.  {shaking  him)  Wouldn’t  you. 

M.  Angelo.  I’ll  do  anything,  {aside)  Here’s  sudden 
death  on  both  sides,  and  a gaping  cemetery  in  front.  Mr. 
Cropp,'  respect  the  last  moments.  It  looks  bad  to  be 
hurried  into  a tomb. 


18 


A PHOTOGRAPHIC  FIX. 


Bob.  In  you  go,  neek  and  — {'pushes  him), 

M.  Angelo.  Cropp,  don’t.  It’s  a solemn  moment — don’t. 
(struggles) 

Enter  Diana,  runs  to  Bob,  stopping  him. 

Diana.  Spare  him,  I implore  you.  Look  at  him,  he’s 
going  to  die. 

M.  Angelo.  Yes  ; going  to  Di-ana. 

Bob.  (to  Angelo)  Who’s  this  young  woman,  do  you  know 
her? 

M.  Angelo,  (to  Staggers)  You’re  going  to  marry  Caroline, 
ain’t  you  ? None  of  your  larks,  you  know  ! 

Staggers.  Of  course  I am  ! 

Bob.  Who  is  it? 

M.  Angelo,  (to  Bob)  I say  you  won’t  be  angry,  will  you  ? 
It’s  my  wife  that  is  to  be,  subject  to  your  approval,  of 
course. 

■ Diana.  Yes,  gentlemen,  spare  him  (to  Boh)  don’t  strike 
him — forgive  him  for  my  sake. 

M.  Angelo.  Co  it  Diana — they  can’t  stand  that  long. 

Bob.  Well,  (releasing  him)  now  look  here.  I’m  going  to 
be  lenient  with  you  on  account  of  her,  but  mind  you  don’t 

come  any  of  your tricks  again  with  Bob  Cropp 

’cause  if  you  do  ( shahes  fist  at  him.) 

M.  Angelo.  I comprehend  perfectly-put  it  away,  don’t. 

Bob.  Now  young  Staggers  our  supper’s  waiting — (goimg) 
— stop,  suppose  we  invite  Michael  Angelo. 

Staggers.  I’m  agreeable. 

Bob.  Angelo — come  and  join  us — you  can  bring  Mrs. 
Angelo — forgive  and  forget — I like  to  do  the  thing  hand- 
some. 

M.  Angelo.  He  ain’t  a bad  sort. 

Bob.  What  are  you  dodging  about,  come -along. 

M.  Angelo.  I want  to  say  a few  words  to  our  friends  in 
front. 

Bob.  Why  don’t  you  do  it  then. 

M.  Angelo.  So  I will — (coming  to  footlights.) 

Ladies  and  Gentlemen, — My  attempts  at  photography 
haven’t  been  encouraging,  but  if  I have  only  succeeded  in 
developing  a smile  and  fixing  your  attention,  I shall  accept 
it  as  a positive  proof  that  however  exaggerated  might  have 
been  the  lens  employed  to  focus  the  follies  of  an  hour,  it  has 
at  least  your  approbation,  and  the  Artist  and  his  assistants 
in  this  tableau  will  only  be  too  happy  to  prepare  plates  for 
your  entertainment  whenever  you’ll  favor  us  with  a sitting. 
Bob.  Diana.  Michael  Angelo.  Staggers. 
Curtain* 


No  Goods  Exchanged  or  Sent  on  Approval. 


DESCRIPTIVE  CATALOGUE 

OF 

PLAYS, 

AND 

DRAMATIC  WORKS, 

With  a Complete  List  of  Amateur  Flays  and  Articles. 

C O N T^E  N T S . 


PAGE. 

Amateur  Operas 30 

Amateur  Plays  35 

Articles  needed  by  Amateurs  . . . . 45 

Bits  of  Burlesques '.26 

Bound  Set  of  Plays  23 

Brough’s  Biirlesques 30 

Bulwer  Lytton’s  Plays 24 

Burnt  Cork  45 

Carnival  of  Authors 29 

Charades 26 

Comic  Dramas  for  Male  Characters..  30 

Costume  Plates,  Male 39 

Costume  Plates,  P'emale  ..  ..42 

Cumberland’s  Edition 16 

Darkey  Drama  27 

Dramas  for  Boys 30 

English  Operas  31 

Engravings 24 

Ethiopian  Dramas ..  ..27 

Evening’s  Enterluinment 28 

P'airy  and  Home  Plays ..28 

I'rench  Opera  Boufles 30 

F'rench’s  Edition 2 

F renqh’s  Standard  and  Minor  Drama  14 

Grease  Paints 48 

Guide  Books 29 

Italian  Operas 30 


Juvenile  Plays 
Knight’s  Cabinet  Shakespeare  . . 

Ladies’  Plays 

Lightning  for  Pnvate  Theatricals 

Make-up  Book  

Make-up  Box  . 


28 
23 
29 
46 
48 
48 

Lining  Colour 46 


PAGE 

Male  Character  Pieces 25 

Miscellaneous  Edition 22 

IMrs.  Jarley’s  Wax  Works 25 

Music  for  Sale 31 

Music  to  Loan  32 

Nigger  Jokes  and  Stump  Speeches  . . 28 

Operettas 25 

Pantomimes 26 

Parlour-Comedies 23 

Parlour*Magic  ..  ..23 

Parlour  Pantomimes *34 

Pieces  of  Pleasantry  26 

Peciters  and  Speakers 34 

Bistori’s  Plays 23 

Pound  Games 23 

Pouge  46 

Scenery 48 

Scenes  for  Amateurs 24 

Scriptural  Plays 30 

Sensation  Dramas 26 

Sensation  Series 26 

Serio-Comic  Dramas,  Male  Characters  30 

Shadow  Pantomimes 24 

Shakespearian  Costumes  31 

Shakespeare’s  Plays  22 

Tableaux  Lights 45 

Tableaux  Vivants .29 

Temperance  Plays 38 

Tom  Taylor’s  Comedies  24 

Vocal  Music  of  Shakespeare’s  Plays  24 

Webster’s  Acting  Edition 21 

Wigs,  Beards,  Moustaches,  &c..  ..  47 

Works  on  Costumes  31 


ALL  MAILABLE  ARTICLES  IN  THIS  CATALOGUE  SENT  POST  FPEE 
IN  THE  UNITED  lONGDOM  (EXCEPT  WHEPE  OTHERWISE  MARKED) 
FOREIGN  POSTAGE  MUST  BE  ADDED.  IN  ORDERING  AND  REMITTING 
BY  MAIL  ALWAYS  SEND  P.0.0.  IF  POSSIBLE. 

lSs'^-8  1. 


London  : 

SAMUEL  FKENCH; 

PUBLISHER, 

89,  STKAND. 


New  York  : 

SAMUEL  FRENCH  & SON, 

PUBLISHERS, 

38,  EAST  14th  STREET. 


Payment  MUST  aocompany  each  Order. 

Catalogue  with  above  Contents  sent  Free 


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FRENCH’S  ACTING  EDITION— 7s.  per  VoL,  6d.  eacb. 


1591 

1592 

1593 

1594 

1595 
159? 

1597 

1598 

1599 

1600 
1601 
1602 

1603 

1604 

1605 


VOLUME  1 7. 

The  Briilal  Wreath 
The  Gohl 
Tom  Bosvliiir 
Narcissc  the  Vagrant 
Every  one  lias  his  fault 
The  Devil’s  uucat 
Parted 

Love  and  Honour 
On  the  Clyde 
Mary’s  Ui  oatn 
Bitter  lleelconing 
The  Vampire 
Headless  llorseman 
Oor  Geordie 
Eileen  Ogc 


^606 

1607 

1608 

1609 

1610 
1611 
1612 

1613 

1614 

1615 

1616 

1617 

1618 

1619 

1620 


1621 

1622 

1623 

1624 

1625 

1626 

1627 

1628 

1629 

1630 

1631 

1632 

1633 

1634 

1635 


1636 

1637 

1638 

1639 

1640 

1641 

1642 

1643 

1644 

1645 

1646 

1647 

1648 

1649 

1650 


VOLUME  108. 
Cracked  Heads  (Burl.) 
Jacket  of  Blue 
Bathing 
Ladies  Battle 
An  Old  Score 
For  Honor  Sake 
My  Sister  from  India 
Our  Bitterest  Foe 
Maria  Martin 
Among  tlie  Relics 
Nabob  for  an  hour 
An  Old  Man 
Village  Nightingale 
Our  Nelly 
Partners  for  Life 


1651 

1652 

1653 


VOLUME  109. 
Chopstick  and  Spikins 
Chiselling 
Barbarossa 

Birds  in  their  littde,  &c. 
Pretty  Predicament 
The  Wife,  li. 

Brian  Boroihme 
Seven  Sins 
Good  Natured  Man 
Hand  and  Glove 
Keep  your  Eye  on  Her 
British  Born 
Jessamy’s  Courtship 
False  Alarm 
Up  in  the  World 

VOLUME  no. 
Uncle’s  Will,  Is. 

Fame 

One  in  the  Hand,  &c. 
Chain  of  Guilt 
Peter  Bell 
Little  Sunshine 
Insured  at  Lloyds 
Demon  of  the  Desert 
Dice  of  Death 
False  Colours  _ 

Rose  of  Corbeil 
The  Signal 
h'ower  of  Lochlain 
Vidocq 

Weaver  of  Lyons 
VOLUME  111. 
AYho’ll  lend  me  a Wife 
Extremes  meet 
Bould  Soger  Boy 


16  >4  Golden  Ploigh 
1655  Sweethearts 
16)6  Li;tle  Back  Parlour 
1657  Anchor  of  Hope 
16-58  Home  Again 
16-59  Sylvester  Dagger  wood 
166  ) Tale  of  a Comet 

1661  Deep  Red  Rover  (Brlsq. 

1662  Unprotected  Female 

1663  Under  False  Colours 

1664  Heroes 

1665  Who  do  they  take,  me  for 

VOLUME  112. 

1666  The  Provost  of  Bruges 

1667  Bell  Ringer  of  St.  Paul’s 

1668  Philanthropy 

1669  Weak  Woman 

1670  Velvet  and  Rags 

1671  Little  Vixens 

1672  Cut  for  Partners 

1673  The  Coming  Woman 

1674  Love’s  Alarms 

1675  Telephone 

1676  An  appeal  to  the  feelings 

1677  Too  late  to  save 

1678  Just  my  lutk 

1679  Grateful  Father 

1680  Happy  medium 

VOLUME  113. 

1681'  All’s  well  that  ends  well 
I6S2  Poppleton’s predicaments 

1683  ^Auld  acquaiuiance 

1684  Weeds 

1685  Sole  survivor 

1686  Brewer  of  Preston 

1687  White  pilgrim 

1688  Neck  or  Nothing 

1689  Dentist's  Clerk 

1690  Winter’s  Tale 

1691  Old  Soldiers 

1692  My  Daughter’s  D^bnt 

1693  Word  of  Honour 

1694  False  Step,  Is. 

1695  Sold  Again 

VOLUME  ir 

1696  Guy  Faux 

1697  Little  Madcap 

1698  Handsome  Jack 

1699  Scarlet  Dick 

1700  Liz 

1701  St.  Patrick’s  Day 

1702  Behind  the  Sceae 

1703  W'edding  March 

1704  Wild  Boy  of  Bohemia 

1705  My  wife’s  father's  sister 

1706  His  Novice 

1707  Much  too  clever 

1708  W’’here  shall  I dine 

1709  Innkeeper’s  Daughter 

1710  Highland  Fling 

VOLUME  115. 

1711  Lodgings  for  Single  Gen- 

17 12  Note  Forger  [tlemea 

1713  Hamlet  Improved 

1714  Our  Friends,  Is.  • 

1715  Queen  of  Hearts  ^ 

1716  Lady  of  Lyons  Married 

1717  Bitter  Cold  [and  Settled 


1718  Peacock’s  Holiday 

1719  Daisy  Farm 

1720  Wrinkles 

1721  Lancashire  Lass 

1722  On  an  Island 

1723  Married  in  Haste 

1724  Q.E.D. 

1725  Withered  Leaves 


VOLUME  116. 

1726  Ruth’s  Romance 

1727  Old  Sailors 

1728  Our  Bo5  s 

1729  Widow  Bewitched 

1730  Pampered  Menials 

1731  Mysteri*  s of  P*>ri3 

1732  Lady  of  Lyons 

1733  Memoirs  of  the  Devil 
1734.  Bold  Stroke  tor  a H' 

1735  Noblise  Oblige  [bd 

1736  A Lad  from  the  Coimi 

1737  Not  False  but  Fickle 

17^'H  ififilltlttliSVi  I 

1739  Davenport  Bros,  and^ 

1740  Freezing amotherinia 

VOLUME  117. 

174_1  Is  he  Jealous 

1742  Suspicions  Husband 

1743  Rinaldo  Rinaldin - 

1744  That  Dreadful  Doctor 
1746  Plot  for  Plot 

1746  OiTir. Relatives 

1747  DaVid-Gairick  Is 

1748  Engaged  ‘ . - 

1749  My  Awful  Dad 

1750  On  Bail 

1751  Richelieu 

1752  Tom  Cobb 

1753  Cousin  Peter 

1754  Bow  Bells 

1755  Married  for  Money 

VOLUME  118 

1756  Man  about  Town 

1757  Funnibone’s  Fix 
1768  Patter  v.  Clatter 
1759  Dan’l  Druce 


1760  For  Her  Chil  ”^  Si.ke 


1761  Point  of  HoLOur 


1762  Unequal  Match  Is. 

1763  Childhood’s  Dreams 

1764  Lost  Diamonds 
17’ 5 Broken  Hcaits 

I7t6  Wild  Flowers  [1 
1767  Match  for  a Mothor- 


T rn^TUMES — Dramatic  and 

Briton  to  the  present  day.  — Ooutt  JouinaL 


